Mentally, I'm addicted. Physically, I'm sober.

I really just want to steal some money and buy some sort of gift credit-card thing and buy some fucking pills online. Even SEEING photos of opiates saddens me . . . oxycodone and all . . . I mean, I still have some left, but like . . . I want to save that for when I need it more . . . example, school. My back-up is my codeine that I stole awhile back, but that's all I have. My back-up-back-up is gabapentin--even if it's not an opiate or opioid, it's something--and that can last me for one shot. Turns out tramadol (I LOVE BEING NOT-ANXIOUS AND NODDING MY HEAD OFF DAMMIT) and percs are my favourite pills of all time. The only regrets I have about percs are that I didn't really do my research and I wasted a NICE supply of them last year. If I can remember, there were ~20 or so that I split between weeks and dammit I had awful withdrawals. Tramadol didn't give me much of a withdrawal and I only had one "shock" session before I fell asleep the other night. No seizures, no constipation, etc, etc.

I think I'm going to take 400mg Monday. Hopefully, I don't get any seizures in class . . . but then again, I have a limited supply for now . . . until I get more cash rolling in somehow. 50 pills for $40 . . . pricey. I'll find a way. I just found a place that has 100 FUCKING OF THESE BABIES FOR $10, although I'm not a licensed professional or vet . . . which sucks. Fuck this shit.

IV'ing sounds terrific right about now.

On a lighter note, I'm going to eat something delicious.

On a bad note, my internet is slowing down and I probably won't go to the Megadeth concert on Friday. Mhm.